Still trying....and fighting

I just wish you would know and understand what I’m going through right now...how hard and painful it is for me, to wait and hope. How hard it is to be helpless, to pretend and smile to the world, and say that everything is ok.... and to be all alone, I feel so alone in this battle. All my life, all I’ve been doing is give way, understand and cope with what very little consideration and gratitude I get in return... Life has given it to me so hard, and it’s been piling up one by one, and now I feel that I’m at breaking point...with no one to turn to, and hold on, I feel that in any time I’m about to give in. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and float away even just for a moment to feel light and numb. I just wish that you would be more sensitive at times on how I feel, and that the smile you see doesn’t mean it’s all ok, and that “sorry” doesn’t easily take away the pain, and that sometimes the bruises takes time to heal...but I have no other choice but to pick myself up smile again... and try to just feel fine again.

Hurting....

I have this choking feeling, my chest is heavy and it’s getting harder to breath, I tried to put myself to sleep but the pain is so intense it won’t let me, I tried to hit the wall thinking physical pain can make the pain go away, but it’s still there...I can’t help it anymore, tears are rolling out my cheeks and I feel like my heart is about to explode...so much pain and anger, disappointment and despair, all I can do is curl up and cry, till my eyes go dry and till the pain turns to being numb.