My bOx oF ChOcolaTEs

Hurting....

2011-11-13T01:23:00.000-08:00

At times like this...I wish...how I just wish there is a pill that i could just take to numb the pain, this pain is really hard to go thru, its like a ghost that just keeps hunting you, sometimes I think maybe I’m just crazy, the clinical type, you know at least there is a definition or explanation of this feeling that I am going through.
I feel like my chest is about to explode and that I have this choking feeling in my throat, I can’t stop the tears they just kept on flowing.....an then slowly my heart is flooded with fear, loneliness, and just pure pain the one that makes just want to end it all.
Sometimes I try to go back with my life and try to analyze every chapter and ask myself, am I really such a bad person, a horrible person to deserve all of this heart ache and pain, or maybe I really did something bad in my past life that I am paying for it in this lifetime.
All my life as I recall it all I have been doing is give....wait....expect....plea and sometimes beg....settle...and while doing this fighting for my life, for my rights.
As a child I was raised to always give way...give way for my sisters, give way for their needs first, I was thought to settle, and be content even if I deserve more or better...but as my Mom always says try to give way.
Growing up I tried so hard to be tough, tough enough that my parents didn’t care cause they know I can make it on my own, with or without their help, I don’t know of its a good thing or not....but in some ways it helped me become stronger....but wounded and scarred.
And now I feel that I’m still in that vicious cycle.
I’m hurting again, in pain...so much pain that as I am typing this I’m chocking up in tears, I had to lock the bedroom door cause I don’t want my daughter to see me like this...i don’t want my children to see how sad I am how lonely and how hurt I am.
Am I really just so wrong, that in everything that I do goes wrong, everything that I touch turns to dust...
All I want is to be happy, be accepted for who I am, be forgiven for my past, be trusted to love and be loved, or even just to love....just let me love you....give me hope.
Sometimes I pray that I could just end it all, cause sometimes I feel tired just really tired, my heart, mind and soul is just really tired...tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of apologising for being me, tired of defending myself, sometimes I just don’t want to wake up anymore...and just drift away in my sleep so that I don’t continue hurting the people I love anymore, because of being me, so that I don’t ruin my children’s lives anymore cause I suck at being a Mom, I don’t hurt the man that I love anymore because of my past and that he’ll have to settle for me. I don’t want them to see how sad, lonely and hurt I am, but sometimes its twice as hard to put up a face, and try to fight back the tears....and it’s so hard cause you don’t have anyone to turn too...but yourself.

I cant see my self with out you

2011-07-20T01:08:00.001-07:00

I cant see my self with out you
Just the thought alone is killing me
I just want to die right now
I cant breath. I cant move. My thoughts are drowning me
Im sorry for hurting you
Im sorry for being me
I just want to die right now than loose you my love
I d rather die....this my just be words
but these are my thoughts.
Please always remember I love you
If my life ends today right now
I love you truly and will always love u forever

All I can give...

2011-07-11T02:05:00.000-07:00

You're the first thing I think of
Each morning when I rise.
You're the last thing I think of
Each night when I close my eyes.

You're in each thought I have
And every breath I take.
My feelings are growing stronger
With every move I make.

I want to prove I love you
But that's the hardest part.
So, I'm giving all I have to give
To you... I give my heart.

Because of you...

2011-07-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

Because of you
my world is now whole,
Because of you
love lives in my soul.
Because of you
I have laughter in my eyes,
Because of you
I am no longer afraid of good-byes.
You are my pillar
my stone of strength,
With me through all seasons
and great times of length.
My love for you is pure
boundless through space and time,
it grows stronger everyday
with the knowledge that you'll always be mine.
At the altar
I will joyously say 'I do',
for I have it all now
and it's all because of you.

Heart of Stone

2011-07-11T01:39:00.000-07:00

Once I had a heart of stone
For it had surely lost its home
It could not love or wanted too
But in my life, then came you.

The stones began to fall away
As happiness began to fill my day
A feeling so sweet and special too
Could this be love, I pray is true.

My heart now sings a song of love
For I know that it was sent from above
My heart is warm, there is no cold
Hard no more, but with wings of gold.

It soars above the sky so high
Sometimes I think of why and cry
My heart now sings a loving song
For the part of me I thought was gone.

The gift that you have given me
Is so important, can't you see
No more sadness or being alone
For now my heart has a home.

Hunted.....

2011-04-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'd wish I was numb, and that there are times I could just switch it on and off just like a light switch, at times like this It could really be handy...so I can block off all the emotions and pain I'm going through. I wish theres a pill that you can just take and it will transport you into a trance like state...that no hurt or pain can affect you.

The problem with this kind of feelings is they are like ghosts from the past coming to hunt you, to taunt you, to inflict more pain and suffering to a wound thats been there for years...that just keeps on coming back...making that hole in your heart bigger and bigger...until you fall into oblivion...not knowing when the falling into that pit of loneliness and sorrow is ever gonna end.

I wish people could see how hard it is....to go through this pain again...and that I am trying hard not to be that person all over again, and that every waking day of my life, I try to put on that smile like an armor a mask so that this (feeling) can be contained and that I will not affect the people that I love, I care for...I don't want them to see the sorrow...cause sorrow is like a virus that inflicts one person to another...

Everyday...I try to hold on to every remaining hope...every ounce of love that I could get by...but sometimes I ask can this be enough, how long can I get by...

I am fighting this war not just for my self...but for the ones that I love.
I am just prying and hoping that one day would come that I would be the victor, and that I would wake up one day and smile and I don't have to beg and fight for love and happiness any more and that this hunting feelings will just be locked away in the past never to come back again.

A promise to my Love....

2011-04-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

I promise to be your warm spot to cuddle up to when you feel cold
I promise to be your soft place to land if you should fall
I promise to be the first one to say I am sorry (even if I was right)
I promise to be there for you in all of your times of joy and sorrow
I promise to support you no matter what your decision (even if I don't agree )
I promise to make a new memory with you each and every day
I promise to love you without change.
I promise to make you laugh
I promise to make you cry only tears of joy
I promise to give you strength when you are weak
I promise to cherish you and your love
I promise to compromise with you
I promise to make you and our children my first priority
I promise to never take your love for granted
I promise to never lose faith in you
I promise to never give you a reason to distrust me
I promise to always trust you
I promise to work with you to resolve our conflicts
I promise to always be proud of you
I promise to never let you feel alone in this world
I promise to find new ways everyday to keep the fires of passion burning
I promise to always keep you as an equal partner
I promise to never say things to you in anger
I promise to be your partner for life
I promise to be your shelter from the storm
I promise you a love everlasting.

What I Love About You

2011-02-18T01:10:00.000-08:00

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes deep brown eyes.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

Happy V day!

2011-02-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought that love could never be a part of me, that's when you came along and showed me happiness!

Don't let doubts lose the magic of love, because it's not everyday you meet someone who has the magic to let you fall in love!

I was afraid of love, I thought love took time, like a fine wine aging in the cellar. I was wrong. Love is there from the moment you see that person, embrace it let it grow, follow your heart, not your mind.

I have found new love, like i've never known before. I find myself waiting for you, in desperation and in hope. You have told me you love me, and it's hard for me to say. Our love is new, but i do love you. If i fall in too deep, i'll find myself in weep. You are my life, my soul and my passion, every waking moment i wish you here to embrace me. So please, if i tell you i love you, promise me i won't get hurt. because i love you and i'll love you like love has never seen before.

Missing my Heart!!!

2011-02-13T21:35:00.000-08:00

This has been the longest I have not heard from you....
and its killing me....

The loneliness inside me is slowly killing me...
every part of my body, my heart and soul is slowly withering away...
my mind is anxiously waiting and wondering...

My Love your absence is killing me...
slowly fear is starting to creep in from behind...

I can feel my heart pounding...anxiously waiting...for you my love.

To Love him.....

2011-02-06T23:11:00.000-08:00

"I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you."

"Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?"

"There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal, no door that enough love will not bridge, no wall that enough love will not throw down, no sin that enough love will not redeem... It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough, you could be the happiest and most powerful being in the world..."

"To love him, become him, Melts away inhibitions, Desiring the totality of him, becomes your life's journey"

Fear....

2011-01-31T01:44:00.000-08:00

Tonight fear struck my heart

it came creeping from behind

like a shadow from the dark...

slowly loneliness was felt within me

and fear slowly consumed my soul...

the fear of losing you my love...

of not having a chance to kiss your lips

to hold you in my arms..

and feel you heart beat next to mine

was all to painful.

But I know I should be strong...

strong enough to fight back these feelings

cause for you may dear...

my love will prevail

no hunger nor thirst, nor pain and sorrow

will stop me from fighting for your love

and will keep hope within me alive...

to show all the darkness in the world

that our love can conquer even the darkest fear in our hearts..

I Love you more than "Love"

2011-01-28T01:17:00.000-08:00

It is impossible to capture in words
the feelings I have for you
They are the strongest feelings that I
have ever had about anything
yet when I try to tell you them
or try to write them to you
the words do not even begin to touch
the depths of my feelings
And though I cannot explain the essence of
these phenomenal feelings
I can tell you what I feel like when I am with you
When I am with you it is as if
I were a bird flying freely in the clear blue sky
When I am with you it is as if
I were a flower opening up my petals of life
When I am with you it is as if
I were the waves of the ocean crashing strongly
against the shore
When I am with you it is as if
I were the rainbow after the storm
proudly showing my colors
When I am with you it is as if
everything that is beautiful surrounds us
This is just a very small part of how wonderful I feel
when I am with you
Maybe the word "love" was invented to explain
the deep, all-encompassing feelings that I have for you
but somehow it is not strong enough
But since it is the best word that there is
let me tell you a thousand times
I love you more than
"love"

-Poem by Susan Polis Schutz

Finding One's Self....."I'm still looking"

2010-09-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while...
Actually it’s been too long since I last wrote something out from my head, and I kind of missed it. Being able to play around with thoughts in your head spilling out, and sharing with the outside world what really makes you tick!
I tried blogging a couple of years ago through a very good friend who introduced me into it, at first I was a bit apprehensive, since I’ve always find myself keeping thing to myself alone, I guess with what I have been through in my life you would too....I might say, that I am not the best at trusting people.
But I wanted to really.

I've always wanted to write, I wanted to write and share my thoughts, I wanted to connect and touch other people’s lives, and I wanted to be part of a world that’s evolving.
So now, with all that has happened with my life for the past two years, which has given me a rude awakening of what really life is all about.
I am going to make it a point, to write down (ok try at least) my every thoughts, adventures, misadventures, moments of joy and sorrow, every heartache, pain, laughter’s, anxieties and even question’s that this so called life may throw at me.

Fast forward to NOW!

2009-11-20T01:07:00.000-08:00

I've meant to blog.....but certain things happened in my life which has prevented me from releasing any conducive statements, I have been in the past months (almost a year now) in a rut!... sad as it may sound I had nothing good or grate to say about my life or anything round me right now.....and neither do I want to go online and just rant about how crappy my life is right now (OK that's an exaggeration but its my chi is totally out of whack right now!)

I Just pray and hope that next year would be different, not just for me but for all of us....!

I know next time will be better! :)

I DO NOT LOVE "YOU"!

2008-08-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

You asked me, If I Love you now! my answer unto thee is...

No! I do not Love you....
But I do love the way you touch me,
the way your hands feel in my skin when you hold me...

I love the way you kiss me, how your lips feels unto mine,
how i can feel the intensity of every kiss in my mouth...as your sweet tongue
caresses mine.

I love the way you make love with me...how your every move
makes me feel so good inside...that every moment we share,
I do not want to end.

I love the sound of your voice, and when it calls my name...
I love the way you laugh... knowing that I made you happy...

for all of this I love about you....
But "Love" is a word that's been used
and often times abused by many...

to guise their longing, wanting and lust for another...
that is why people should be cautious in using this four letter words...

Love is a word that can only be used for one reason and one reason alone...
that is to give everything, your identity, your soul your heart to another,
your angst about the future, and your present your laughter and tears.

I love all of this about you...but I do not for the latter...
Therefore my dear I would like to answer you truthfully...

"No..I do not Love You" for now....

My Shadow

2008-08-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

Everyone in their lifetime experiences bad incidents at least once,

that bring pain and suffering.

My incidents have become my shadow.

As I grow older, it grows in numbers.

Wherever I go, it is sure to follow.

Haunted of he visions of these incidents pass before my eyes,

causing me to re-live each painful moment.

New tears form remembering all the ones before.

My heart, as well as my body, have suffered in unmeasurable ways.

Pretending to be strong and hide my past and fearing so much...

It happening again

The pain returning

Losing those I care for

Losing my identity

Being alone forever

How will people view me knowing what’s happened?

Will they not want anything to do with me?

Why am I in this position?

What did I do to deserve what I’ve experienced?

Why should I be viewed differently for someone else’s crimes?

So many questions like those enter my mind.

No answers to any...only more questions

A tortured soul still lays hidden, aching to be released from this

anguish.

Playing a great role to hide my true feelings of pain.

My life has changed.

I’ve grown, matured and come to deal.

But alas, that doesn’t mean the last of my pain and suffering for my

heart is broken and mangled.

My past is my shadow and always will be.

My heart will never be whole for the shadow continues to grow,

because bad luck follows this tortured soul.

Can I. Could I?

2008-08-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

Can I ever make someone truly happy?

My flaws flow through my veins.

Throughout this imperfect body.

My personality is good but lacks something as always.

All I do is disappoint you when I'm only being me and trying to make

you happy.

I wish I was perfect for you.

Make you happy forever.

Have you fall in love with ME.

The person I am flaws and all.

Learning to Play that....Game!

2008-08-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

For the past few days I’ve been feeling under the weather, I guess because of stress or just plain tired, however I’m glad that I’m still able to reserve energy for my family, that the least I could do for them to spend more time with the people who through it all, still never fails to amaze me, in supporting me caring and loving for me even thou there are times that, I take them for granted, which I regret most of the time. I guess with all the studying and research that I’m doing to enrich myself professionally; I should also learn new things for myself “emotionally or even maybe holistically”. One thing I learned about myself is thou I may be good with professional relationships, the other one “NOT so good at all”, for so many times I have flunked in that department. See the problem with emotional relationships is how unpredictable and unstable it is (Just like the inflation rate in this country) and no matter how much you invest, the probability of risk is still higher than the chances of having your investments double, hell or even earn interest. This kind of relationship can never be quantified or measured, it’ just plain and simple a “gamble”. And apparently I’m not that good in plying my cards in that game, for so many times I have failed, lost in dealing with the wrong cards, no matter what. I guess it’s a result as well on how I dealt mine in the past, and with one wrong move, lady luck has left the building.

Coping with friends Help!

Funny when people ask me how I feel, It makes me wonder if they really do feel me, that if I tell them that I’m down and not well, “would they sit down and comfort me” listen to my thoughts and tell me that its gonna be ok, would they stop what they’re doing and spend a couple of minutes or even an hour or two to make me feel that I’m not alone. I’ve had very good friends, unfortunately they all had to go away to leave their own lives, but I know they’re still there, and that with a heartbeat they would come to my side and chat my blues away (You know who you are guys) and I promise I would do the same.

See, one thing I realized as well is as we go older we tend to be more hard headed, that even thou we have the answer staring us already straight in the face, we still tend to ignore the signs and still make the wrong move (damn!) and at the end we pretend that we never saw signs (how Ironic!) I remember a few years back my best friend and I would normally meet for one and one reason alone (Most of the time thou) to counsel each other about our relationships, we had each other as life support whenever that dreadful time comes around, and then no matter how devastating the ending was we were happy to say that we still had each other and that you can have both my shoulders to cry on and that I will cradle you till you cry yourself to sleep. (Kai thank you for doing the same)

I guess I miss my life support, friends who have really cared and stopped to make me feel better for myself, and this I promise no matter what, I’ll be running to your side (equipped with a box of tissue).

What did I learn for myself today?

Investing on relationships: I’m betting chips to friendship for now! Will have to save up for the “other” ;p

My Natural High's Count down!...

2008-07-22T04:19:00.000-07:00

Natural High; is feeling of self elevation, a sudden surge of feelings which normally is expressed through excitement of ecstatic comfort....

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a traffic free road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 500 or much better 1000 pesos bill in your clothes from the dryer.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy or kitten.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot coffee.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
35. Holding hands with someone you care about.
36. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
37. Watching the _expression on someones face as they open a much desired present from you.
38. Watching the sunrise/sunset.
39. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
40. Knowing that somebody misses you.
41. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
42. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

With these....Ive just realized that sometimes you don't need much, just to feel happy and content, there are really indeed simple things in life that can fill your heart with warmth and joy!

Turn A New Leaf

2008-07-20T00:56:00.001-07:00

“Turn a New a Leaf” is when you decide to do something different to change your life for the better; turning over a new page ("leaf") in your life and seeing what is on the other side or better said as you turn over a new leaf when you commit to changing your life for the better.
Which I would say is my new move with this blog, it’s been a while since I last visited mine, and probably one of the many reasons would be aside from being busy with the realities I’m facing in my life right now is that it has shown a different side of me, one that I believe should finally be erased and forgotten, thou not completely since this memories should be part of me as lessons learned, and to delete them from this space is me moving on. Thou not completely the reason, what triggered me to do this move is when a good friend told me that the posts showed a different person and not the one he knows now. That the person personified in the said blog was a stranger from who I am now, and with that I revisited some of my early posts……and honestly I did kind of agree, the person talking on those post was so full of anger, hatred and at one point if it wasn’t me I would say pathetic, wallowing at every emotional phase she turns to; and with that I’ve decided to move on and finally exorcise that ghost from the past.
And here I am officially announcing that certain post in this blog will be officially deleted, my that girl rest in peace finally never to rise again to inflict pain and hatred in this new world I am starting to build.
To my dear friends who knew me both in the past and present, I am proud to present to you a new chapter where we would continue to share laughter’s and our up’s and down’s but hopefully not much of the latter. Thank you for those who have stuck with me all this years and understanding me for what I am, and loved me in spite of my shortcomings, my dear you know who all of you are.
Until then…

Arrivedercci…..Au Revoir…..Aufwiedersehen

Friends For Keeps "Thanks For Adding colors in my Rainbow"

2007-11-27T02:41:00.001-08:00

2007-05-04T02:55:00.000-07:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Ted's Halloween Party

2006-11-07T02:59:00.000-08:00

The party getting started.....

Ted's Halloween Party

2006-11-07T02:56:00.000-08:00

The ECCI Ghost Employees hehehehe!

Break UP's He SAys, ShE sAyS............

2006-10-12T21:57:00.000-07:00

Normally in the Past I'll be writing something in this blog either there’s so much going on with my life, or just plain nothing at all, I was never good in expressing my self thru words nor action, normally I'll just keep it to my self or just let things pass, as much as possible I don’t like showing emotions "my emotions to other people, I guess its a defense mechanism within me to just keep things and my feelings to my self, its not I don’t like sharing, Its because i prefer to have my own space to think things out my self. I've been misinterpreted so many times so opening up is quite hard! its just amazing how a few people, without me saying a word will feel and would sense if there’s something going on its as if they could read me, Isn't that nice!?

I came a cross an article in "how men cope with break ups", It just gave me a level of understanding, how all of us goes thru the same vicious cycle when it comes to Love, falling in Love, Loving and being Loved (jeez that’s a lot of L word's), anyways a i read thru the article I cant help but say "hey soooo they bleed too"

Breakups: How men deal
By: Steve Friedman

I admit it: My last breakup found me downing pints of peanut-butter-cup ice cream late at night, trying to cling to memories of the bad times so I could stop obsessing about her long, smooth legs and the way she cried at Harry Potter movies. Even though the breakup was “mutual,” I couldn’t stop thinking about her. As hard as it was, I forced myself not to call. And then, in the predawn darkness, I found myself on the receiving end of a 3 a.m. phone call from her. Worse, I found myself seriously entertaining her drunken entreaties. She took a taxi over wearing God knows what under a trench coat, and it wasn’t until my hand was about to open my front door lock that I suddenly remembered — seeing the vodka flush on her neck — why we broke up in the first place.

From that close call, I made up Rule #1: Both men and women are better off having no contact with the ex right after the breakup. Especially after dark, especially when she’s wearing God knows what under a trench coat. If you’ve both agreed, “We’ll just be friends,” it’s even dicier.

“It’s impossible to be friends with an ex!” exclaim many. My friend Al takes exception to this rule. Al’s motto is, “We’re all adults. And adults do stupid things. So let’s not blame each other.”

Al is the kind of guy who didn’t show up when his girlfriend’s parents were in town, the one you finally wrote off as a calloused, shallow player. Suddenly, he calls to tell you, breathily, that he’s thinking of you. Can you trust him? No matter how sincere he sounds, force yourself to remember the night your co-worker busted him at a club with young Bambi—the same the night he begged off on dinner with you because he had the “flu.” Among his guy friends, Al is known as “The Hound,” and he receives from we men a certain appalled and loathing awe. From you, he should receive bupkis, especially if he comes knocking after a breakup. Tempting as it may be to be wooed by someone you recently separated from, please consider what I’ve deemed Rule #2: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So unless you’re longing for a steady diet of heartbreak soup, tell your ex when he comes calling that you’ve got company, and that you’ll call him back in a minute. Then don’t.

The truth, however, is that most of us are not hounds. No, we’re as confused as you are. That explains why, when we’re longing for you, we watch hours of football on TV. Or bury ourselves in our work at the office. Or pull out the ice cream. Most of us miss you.

Most of us wish we could give it another chance, and that this time, it would work. So the question you must be wondering is, should you believe him if he calls trying to reconcile?

In short: probably not. In fact, in my experience, the more dramatic his gesture to “make things work this time,” the less likely he’ll be able to follow through. Case in point: 15 years ago, a week before my ex’s wedding, I called to propose marriage myself. But that offer was worth less than the quarters I desperately pumped into the bar pay phone. Here’s another hint: When it feels like a desperate move on his part, it is. Desperate moves are not good moves.

Of course, everyone knows an exception—stories of love lost then found again that give us hope. For two years, this guy named Tom was the perfect boyfriend to my friend Christina. When Christina pushed for a bigger commitment, Tom bailed, but six months later, he was calling, writing, emailing, sending flowers. Christina was the best thing that ever happened to him. Having been in therapy three times a week, he’d finally conquered his commitment-phobia. He wanted to be with her more than he wanted anything in his life.

Christina took a chance. They just celebrated their five-year anniversary. Was your former relationship like theirs—damaged, but not irreparable? It’s certainly tempting to think so. But in my experience, it’s highly unlikely. Highly, highly, highly unlikely.

Which leads me to Rule #3, which is really less a rule than a speech. To me, this is what a guy wants to hear after a breakup: “Honey, I hope someday we can be friends, because in addition to all the love and resentment and hard times we went through, I think you’re a great guy. But right now, I need to get over you. Maybe in six months or so, we can get together for lunch and laugh about all this, but right now, I’m too busy crying.” Sad, but dignified. Hurt, but decent. Firm, but gentle. Because the truth is, I’ve heard stories of couples who broke up but got back together and are still going strong. I’ve heard about couples who broke up then smoothly transitioned to become friends or even the occasional booty call. I’ve also heard about unicorns frolicking under the stars in Central Park. I’ve heard about this stuff, but — beyond Christina and Tom — I’ve rarely actually seen it. So delete his emails, his number from your cell phone, and any other reminders that might make you slip back into something that clearly wasn’t working the first time around. That opens the door to the better things that are yet to come.

hmmmm......I definitely agree with rule No.3

Reaching for Sanity!

2006-07-26T04:33:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I last posted something, I guess thats how my life has been, nothing much exciting to write about, or no time at all or to realize what’s been happening around me.

Oh well! work has been a mega bitch! Problems and issues left and right are flying in my direction! All I do is finish work, eat dinner, and then crash, I wonder how long I’m gonna be like this, how long I can take this! Lately I have been dragging my self to work, and finding my self making excuses to skip work, I know it sounds bad but things around me has been giving me all the negative vibes which is the last thing I need.

Sometimes I just want to sit down and think and take my own sweet time and appreciate what still remaining with my sanity!

2006-07-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

Everything To Me!!!!

Another of Liz's songs that just hits that perfect spot in me!!!!

2006-07-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

Liz Phair Extraordinary (version 2)

Sooo!.... love this song, its just so me!....;p

Who am I? as what they say!!!?

2006-04-07T02:44:00.000-07:00

You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!

My Next Target in Life!

2006-04-06T02:29:00.000-07:00

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris.
You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

What European City Do You Belong In?

whats in your B'day!

2006-04-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: December 26

You lucked out the the skills to succeed in almost any arena.
Put you in almost any business or classroom, and you'll rise to the top.
You're driven and intense, but you also know when to kick back and cooperate.
Your ability to adapt to almost any situation is part of what's going to make you a success.

Your strength: Your attention to detail

Your weakness: You can be a little too proud of your successes

Your power color: Turquoise

Your power symbol: Arrow pointing up

Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Johari's Window

2006-02-23T01:41:00.000-08:00

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness.I would love to know mine so friends feel free to contribute.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Crissy88

Crappy Valentines Day!

2006-02-14T01:30:00.000-08:00

I was not really a big fan of this day, however due to its commercialization, its quite difficult to ignore it now a days because all of the sudden, flowers, hurriedly being delivered to its respective recipients, or people wearing red (errrkkkk....) or those who greet you in their most perky manner to remind you what day it was.
Any way guilty as charged I did get into the hype a little, this morning I texted and sent some of my close friends Valentine greetings, some of them replied with sweet thoughts some with sarcastic comments, while there was one that really turned my V day upside down, the message reminded me how shallow this day has become, or it really was, that we have to set a particular day just to remind us to love.

I guess for people like me who has seen the good the bad and the ugly side of love, Valentines is nothing but just another ordinary day, except that heart shaped cut outs hang almost everywhere, and that prices of flowers has gone 3 times its original price and the majority of the restaurants in the metro will be full of tables for two, and that chocolates will be exempted from the diet list and Motels will definitely be fully booked!

Text Message: (received 10:00am 2/14/06)
"In life, God doesn’t give you the people you want,
Instead he gives you the people you need, to teach you, to hurt you, to love you
and make you exactly the way you should be, Happy Hearts day!

I really don’t know why, but this message didn’t quite agree with me, why would God stop you from loving someone, why would he let you hurt, for what, in order for you just to realize what true love really is, maybe its true, maybe because a lot of us has been blinded by its true meaning or maybe a lot of has just used it and abused it to excuse us from the stupid things we’ve done in our lives.

Van Gogh and Lautrec

2006-02-06T05:49:00.000-08:00

Found this Paintings that really captured my attention ironically the titles of the painting has even hit me as hard,
Ive always believed that painters only paint what they really feel
and sometimes what they sense in their subjects.
there like mirrors to the soul as if they can just see right thru you!
and then all of a sudden your not alone
they can sense you and they feel you!
to know that someone else in this world knows how exactly you feel is amazing
to find that person! the artist of your soul is something
I guess some people dont know how lucky they are to find this,
and maybe they dont even know that they have it.
We live in a crazy world, and as the days go by
we grow farther and farther to each other
and the chance of finding the artist of your soul my never be.
some people think that im a cynic.
for not commenting so much when it come to the affairs of the heart
and for avoding the subject
I guess I my self dont even know the answers for sure
well who really does, except for the person who feels!

I guess maybe I am, who knows! if I find my artist I will know

THE STORM
by: Vincent Van Gogh
ALONE
by:Henri de Toulouse Lautrec

Natural Holiday High! with MAKSIM!!!!!!

2005-12-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

Call it a surprise gift from the Gods above to send in your path one of their Kinds, It was really a nerve wecking experience! But Ohhhh It was GOOOOD! I never thought I'd be starstrucked like that before, never did I, have faltered at a sight of a celebrity, I guess in adition of the raging hormones, that made it all happen! thanks to my friends keen eyes she spoted him the moment he passed by, it was really fuuny in a way to see my self running after him with my two friends and trying to get his attention! I was giggling and panting and all! (ala highschool kilig ba daw!) The sight of him, the smell! all five senses of mine went hywire! the momment I got near him! and it was really nice to share that momment with friends! as they say it in the visa commercials!:
Parker Pen: PHP 500.00
Memo Pad: PHP 150.00
A momment with MAKSIM!: PRICELESS!!!!!! I SO....... LOVE HIM!

Still Alive!!!!!!

2005-11-02T02:32:00.000-08:00

Ive been through hell and back again, literally! I know bitching about life's hung up's wont help at all, to think other people go through worse! but still these people manage to move on and inspite of all the hardships in life they still manage to smile and give thanks!.

I guess! No!....... I admit I am being a mega bitch....... well can you blame me! I know I cant justify my self all the time! But I guess bitching about sometimes helps....... or else I'll just breakdown completely, and that would be the last thing I would allow to happen to me!

I feel that Im back in a "Rut" again! but the way I looked at it, being in a rut is like a pause button in your life, giving you a momment to contemplate, and analyze your current situation and direction. Its not being stuck! its a matter of getting moving! as they say things happen in life for a reason, well what ever it is Im looking forward for it!. Ive always belived im a fighter so all I can say in life is "bring it on". It doesnt matter if your beaten down, it doesnt matter how deep the wounds are, its how you heal and how you have faut your battles at the end of the day, its how your surviving thats telling you that you have won the quest in life.

As my motto goes: WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER!

WHY WAIT!?!

2005-10-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

Because although we want to be decisive, we do not want to be impulsive. Although we want to be swift, we do not want to be hasty. Although we want to hold on to the one we love,we do not want to lose ourselves in the process. If we want to run, we must first learn to walk. If we want to swim, we must first learn to float. If we want to make love, we must first learn to love.In the end, it is still best to wait for the one we want rather than settle for the one that is available. It is still best to wait for the one you love rather than settle for the one who is around. It is still best to wait for the right person. Because life is too short to waste on the wrong one. Because waiting they say serves a purpose. Noble and can be mysterious, you have to know that flowers do not bloom overnight. Rome was not built in a day. A life grows in the womb for nine months. Great love grows steadily over a lifetime. Most good things in life take a long time. And they are all worth waiting for. These, despite the fact, that although waiting requires a lot of things...faith, courage, and hope...Waiting guarantees nothing. One cannot imagine,after all, that God in all His wisdom, asks us to wait, for no essential reason.

Talk About Natural High!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-08-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

I Know my last post was really quite depressing, I guess I’m just not happy at all with what’s happening around me! But as they say in every dark cloud that hovers on you the sun is still shining, on the other side! So I wont let this things dampen my spirits!

I’ve just had a very interesting week; I've been trying to finish a book that a friend gave me! “Life after God” by Douglas Coupland very interesting and ironically a lot in that book just tends to reflect what I’m going thru right now, and I’ve just finished the book today and I guess it’s a very nice ending for a very interesting week! And a week it was!

Last Wednesday a friend invited me for an experience I will never forget, he has been talking about it since he found out that I was an avid runner! And advised that I try out running with his group! Hmmmm! He’s a member of an organization called “HASH”
A group that has been in history for quite sometime and it has branches all over the world! It’s composed of different people from all walks of life, who happen to have the same passion and that is running! And it’s not just your typical jog in the park, Its a very rigorous ritual that these people take seriously! “HASHing” as my friend says is not just a race it’s an experience! “Its not the destination that matters it’s the journey!” Well it was I've never thought that I could push my self to the limit, but I did! Along with the motivation of my friend! This experience is really quite something running into the jungle and into different terrains, is no easy task! Rocks, rough roads, vertical climbs, dense vegetation, downhill descends “slippery ones”, you name it they’ve got it! But aside from the tough runs, you also get to appreciate the things you tend to disregard! And that’s your environment! For the first time ever since I've been here in Malaysia, this is the first time I seen the other side of it! I was able to enjoy my self with nature’s natural beauty. As I pushed my self to its every once of energy, to climb the highest point of the run, I was rewarded with a great view! The sun setting from the horizon! And a rainbow! Who would have guessed that you could enjoy both natural beauties at the same time? And to top it all I get to share it with a special friend! I guess I owe him the experience! And I was very happy that he shared it to me. “I hope I’m not getting to mushy here! but I guess sometimes, you get blessed in simple ways! But in reality Blessing are never simple at all! Its just in your own perspective how you appreciate things!" This week I really felt rejuvenated! In spite all of the negativeness that had tried to pull me down! And I guess it’s not the last but I have always believed that everyday is a constant battle! And in every battle there’s always victory.

Becoz im A Girl

2005-08-19T04:40:00.001-07:00

* I just can't understand the ways, Of all the men and their mistakes.
You give them all your heart, and then they rip it all away...-
You told me how much you loved me,
And how our love was meant to be.
And i believed in you, i thought that you would set me free...
(chorus)
You should've just told me the truth,
That i wasn't the girl for you...
Still i didn't have a clue, So my heart depended on You... Whoah
Although i'll say 'i hate u' now,
Although i'll shout and curse you out...
I'll always have love for you,
Because i am a girl

* Been told a man will leave you cold,
Get sick of you and bored...
I know that it's no lie,
I gave my all still i just cry. Never again will i be fooled,
to give my all when nothing's true...
I won't be played again,
but i will fall in love again...
(chorus)

You should've just told me the truth,
That i wasn't the girl for you...
Still i didn't have a clue, So my heart depended on You... Whoah
Although i'll say 'i hate u' now,
Although i'll shout and curse you out...
I'll always have love for you, Because i am a girl---
I loved u so... now u leave me in the cold,
How could this be, i thought that u'd only love me...
Into the night, i will pray that you're alright..
You hurt me so, I can't let u go ---
(bridge)

You took advantage of my willingness to do anything for love,
Now i'm the only one in pain... will you please take it all away~ Oh~
(chorus)
Never thought born being a girl, How i can love you and be burned...
And now i will build a wall, to never get torn again~
Although i'll say 'i hate u' now, Although i'll shout and curse you out...
I'll always have love for you,
Because i am a girlAlthough i'll say 'i hate u' now,
Although i'll shout and curse you out... I'll always have love for you,
Because i am a girl

LoSt anD fOunD!

2005-07-31T23:55:00.000-07:00

For more than 4 freaking weeks I was out of touch, Lost connection with the outside world!
The moment I arrived in KL I haven't even unpacked my bags they've already thrown me in the middle of nowhere well not practically! But from the hustle and bustle of city life and the comforts of my friends I was plucked and thrown in the "Kampung" ( that's Malay for the villages) I was sent in the town of JB (Johor Bahru) Situated on the South of the Malaysia just next to Singapore ( you could actually swim to it! " if you didn't get shot right away by the customs patrol") Any way JB is not really that Bad but its not that much compared to KL and to its neighboring harbor Singapore!. So for my past 4 weeks I was determined to make my stay pleasant as much as possible, The apartment im staying here is not that bad a three bedroom one hall I guess is big enough for two people, and having the place all by my self on weekends is quite ok!, peace and quiet!!!!!! except for the occasional squeals and screams from the kids playing by the pool downstairs the place is quite tranquil! The view is also something! Although its not the same as my KL skyline view but breathing in the fresh air in the morning from that terrace is something for a change! during my stay, on weekends I kept my self busy by tending the plants in the terrace my friend and I replaced the old dying plants with new ones! also my housemate bought a pair of love birds or should I say "lover birds" hehehehe
well instead of buying male and female set my friend bought a pair of male love birds! hhmmmm
now isn't that quite something?! any way after a series of discussion and reasoning from him I decided to name the couple "Ernie and Bert" ;)

For the rest of my stay a couple of weekends I contemplated of going to Singapore but! either I'm too lazy or just the Idea of going there alone! made me not to go instead! all thou there is someone who has volunteered to hangout with me and keep me company! maybe I was too darn lazy!

And Now im BAck from outer Space hehehe!

CloSe EncOuntEr of ThE WhaTEveR KinD!....

2005-06-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging lately, everybody has been toxic for the past week!
even on Kay's b'day last week
June 23,
was quite something! We enjoyed our selves with extremely high cholesterol chinese food, 2 cups of coffee in Starbucks, and a pack of lights, plus a very reveling and interesting conversation with Kay and Red ( and Oh! did I mention freeking hilarious moments of self realization with Red) and what do you get "hypertension, shortness of breath, nausea and blurring of the senses" hahahaha " MAy God super Grabe over to the max talaga" we slept at almost 4 am but it was nice the conversation I had with them was quite something! we had seen each other in a different perspective! ;p
25-26
as the week end passed nothing much work, eat, sleep, watch some DVD's with Red, sleep and then the next day left for JB
As i arrived for JB all i was looking forward for to go for a swim again its been quite a while since the last time i went for a dip, the evening i arrived i found out their giving me the same room as the last time I stayed their (NOooooooo........) That creepy room again! well as I realized I have no choice coz its the only room available! so I left my stuff there and slept in the living room with the TV open! I really cant stand the errieness of that house!
morning, drag my self to work, went home, went for a swim but hari didnt want to join me so he just lounged around the pool a few minutes later my boss arrived also going for a dip, then hari decided to join in, hhahahaha naingit!;p then suddenly I had a crash course in proper swimming courtesy of my boss Mr. Tan,

Boss: Hey Tina! Don't swim that way! Try to lift your head from the water...
Me: O___O
Boss: Try to paddle afloat in the water! Don't swim like prawn swim like a frog!.......
Me: OK ;p
( all the while Hari is trying his best to follow Mr. Tan's advise) hahahahaha :D
after an hour and a half in the pool, went back to the apartment! went out for dinner by the BAy, got home, i tried to sleep in that Erie room but something is really disturbing me!
went back to the living room and slept in the sofa!.......ZZZzzzzzzz.........

Lung Center

2005-06-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

ito ang pulunganng usok
na hindi maibuga
sa mga sulok
ng giniginaw
na palapag.
ang tagpuan
ng sabik
ng kaba
ng inip
ng lungkot
ng malas
ng inis.
espasyong
dumirinig
sa alingasngas
sa bungisngis
sa tamis ng tawa'ttagumpay.
saksing kumukupkop
sa mga pagbulong
sa inindangsakit at paitna dulot ng
pamamanginoon.

(Lung Center -- katawagang ikinapit sa paboritong smoking area ng mga call center employees sa RCBC Plaza.) featured in the Philippine Daily Inquirer Youth Section

2005-06-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish that I had never met you, so that I could go to sleep at night not knowing that there was someone like you out there*

*One thousand words cant bring you back, I know because I tried. One thousand tears can't bring you back, I know because I cried. You left me with a broken heart, and lots of memories too, but I never wanted memories... I only wanted you*

*I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care... I'm not supposed to live my life, wishing you were there... I'm not supposed to wonder where you are, and what you do... I'm sorry, I can't help myself, I'm just so in love with you...*

*Forget the times that you walked by, forget the times you made me cry... Forget the times you held my hand, forget the sweet things if I can... I can no longer pretend, I just gotta remember that NOW YOU'RE JUST MY FRIEND*

*Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult*

*Within you I loose myself, without you I find myself wanting to be lost again...*
I still love you, even though your gone, you left me without any notice, I cannot sleep, nor see anyone, but your image. Why did you leave me so lonely here, for my heart loves you, and only you!~

*i will love you, yet to love you makes me cry, so forever i will love you and forever i will cry*

~Never give up on something if you still wanna try,
Never wipe your tears if you still wanna cry,
Never settle with an answer if you still wanna know,
Never say you don't love him if you can't let him go!~

*If the only place we can be together is in my dreams, I wanna sleep forever.*

NoThiNg HuRtS MoRe ThAn ReALiZiNg He MeAnT EvErYtHiNg To You, BuT YoU MeAnT NoThiNg To HiM!

I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand, so now I leave without a sound except my heart shattering as it hits the ground...

HeRe wE sTaNd wOrLdS aPaRt...hEaRtS bRoKeN iN tWo...sLeEpLeSs niTeS lOsiNg gRoUnD...i’M rEaChiNg fOr yOu...

I WøÜ£d ®åThE® Be Ph¥siCå££y Hu®t tHåN EmÖtiÖnå££y Hu®t...¥¤Ü CåN PuT å BåNd-AiD öN ¥öÜ® FiNgE®, BuT NøT ¥öÜ® hEå®T

HoW vErY tHoUgHtFuL. An iNtRoDuCtiOn tO PaiN. YoU sHouLd bE pRoUd mY DeAr. No oNe’S eVeR HuRt mE tHiS WaY

JuSt BeCåÜsE ¥øÜ'vE £eFt Me DøEsN't MeAn i'Ve Fø®gÖtTeN ¥øÜ. I CøÜ£dN't Dø tHaT - FoRgEt ¥øÜ £iKe ¥øÜ'vE Fo®gÖtTeN Me

2005-06-16T18:05:00.000-07:00

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

~Buddha~

The Patients' in the Block

2005-06-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

Check out the Patients in the Newest Intensive Care Unit in KL
Particularly the Ward No. 12-13-8

Here's the catch if you can guess among these photos who the real patient is! well you get!
!?'*^! Lots of Fun and well you enjoyed your self right?

So feel free to live your comments! no violent reactions please! hehehehe!

Promo ends ummmmmmm................;p

Patient #011

2005-06-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

Originally uploaded by tsinita.

Patient #011

Age:27 , Male

Trauma: Excessive Brain damage

Patient #23

2005-06-08T08:35:00.000-07:00

Originally uploaded by tsinita.

Patient #23

Age: 28, female

Trauma: Chronic Hyperactive Syndrome

Patient #626

2005-06-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

Originally uploaded by tsinita.

Patient #626

Age: Unknown, Gender:?

Trauma: X mute'ant (excessive silence)

ThE EnDlesS ChaSe oF LifE

2005-05-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

Some times its really tiring, you come to a point in your life where in. Your quite content in life, then still there something missing and then it comes, a certain feeling that is quite familiar but every time you feel it; theres always something new about it a new twist well there you go and fall for it you fall inlove you cherrish, you try to hold on exert your every effort for it but still its so fragile that one wrong move it can just break in a split second, you try to pick up and mend it but sometimes it will just give in by it self, and then as you go through the cycle you lose it just like that! and then complete emptiness, how do you cope with something you'v gotten so used to and the all of a sudden you just lose it not knowing where to look, and where to go your just lost

if youv gone thru the same thing over and over again will you still want to get back in the cycle?
the same sick pattern
same familiar feelings

......Sometimes it makes me think...............

There are some fish that can't be caught. It's not that they're bigger or faster then the other fish, they're just touched by something extra.

ThE MaYoNaiSE JAr AnD CofFEE

2005-05-19T03:07:00.000-07:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours a day
is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of
him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the
golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire content into the jar, effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things - your God, religion/faith, family, your children, your
health, your friends, and your favourites passions - things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be
full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your
house, and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all
your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the
things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are
critical to your happiness. Take care of the golf balls first, the things
that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show
you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a
couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Words to Ponder isnt it!

ThErEs nO plaCe liKE hOmE!

2005-05-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

Finally after 4 months im gonna see my family again, go home to moms cooking, sleep on my own bed, and get to see old friends! ( i just hope that I wouldnt run into him)"totaly would ruin my vacation"yha im still fu*#%*^k pissed with him"jerk".

Anyways back to my happy mode, im going home, im going home!
I cant wait to get out of this place even just for a while, if not im just about to snap!
the place is not that bad but its not that great either "for me anyways"! i like singapore better thou
ha! so many thing so much to do, so little time!

*By the way thanks for the comment from my last posting at least im not alone

Need to go shopping!
Shopping, Shopping. HHHmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"if IT doesn't KILL you, IT only MAKES you STRONGER"

2005-05-16T03:46:00.000-07:00

"men/women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most of them don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

sCREw aLl tHOSe wHo dOESN't hAVe tIMe aNYMORe, i'm tIREd OF wAITINg fOr tHEm to BE aROUNd. tHAT's aLl tHAt i'Ve bEEn dOINg.... IT mAKEs me pONDEr tHEn IF tHERE's sOMETHINg wRONg. dEFINITELy nOt in MY pARt fOr i'Ve aLREADy eXERTEd so mUCh eFFORt. I'M eXHAUSTEd fROm rEACHINg oUt.....

PaiN KillErS

2005-05-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

While I was having a break down my dear friend read me this:

"have you ever been in love? horrible, isn't it? it make you vulnerable. it opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. you build up all these defenses. you build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...you give them a piece of you. they don't ask for it. they do something dumb one day like kiss you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. love takes hostages. it gets inside you. it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into our heart. it hurts. not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. it's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. nothing should be able to do that. especially not love"

- rose walker; the kindly ones***

It really went straight to the heart with matching background music, whooo Ive never been as emotional like this for a long time, i dont really like it! its tiring its physically, emotionally, spritually tiring, and yes i blurted it out, the one thing all broken hearted people say when their at lost with words! "I wanna die" or did i say "I wanna fu*^#&k die!" my God I did'nt know i could be like this, I know im a strong woman! hell would parctically spit me out im really bitchy! but I guess no body is safe when it comes to this thing (LOVE), Breaking down last night was good, the booze and good friends beside you really helped ( specialy if your bound to doing something stupid when your drunk) Kay didnt sleep at all she was worried i might rool out of my bed and jump out of the window! thanks a lot Kay! Whoooooooh, If i could only find a huge pill of pain killers i would chew it all up! Im slowly becoming the one person i dont wanna be "A bitter Bitch" I guess I cant help it!

A Letter to a Dear friend (Cheers!)

2005-05-12T02:29:00.000-07:00

To ponder with my friends comment! from my last posting
I have come across this letter:

Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream red rock chips)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It\'s completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin)prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

Im getting Drunk!

If I was Rich Girl! Lalalalalalalala.....Lalala!

2005-05-11T00:35:00.000-07:00

Same song over and over now playing in my head coz its the same song always playing in my housemates car whenever we all go to work in the morning!

Well its ok any way with matching dance moves from kay! hehehe

Yes Finally just One more week to go, Im going Home! Home Home Im going to see my family soon! Im going to see my friends! Hmmmmmm HMMMMM

Any ways Im so full today, Kay and I had a power lunch we beff tepanyaki while eyeing two guys opposite our table one look at Kay and she already Knew waht I was going to ask her,

-do you think their gay?
Kay: Think so!
-Yha and who do think is the Bitch!
Kay: Gave me a funny look
-I meant who is the the girlygurl!
Any ways while enjoying my vegetable misono i gave out a sigh..... hmmmm Sayang (What a waste)
Im getting addicted with this game! (Whooo look at them Go!)

The adventures of It and At

2005-05-09T21:26:00.000-07:00

Mga Negneg fresh from Thailand Chilling out at Bukit Bintang (KL)

Sawadika Chilling Out "Thai style"

The View from my window I wake up every day with

hmmmmm.hmmmmmm

2005-05-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

Distance love is never easy, especially when we are living far apart. However each mile that separates 2 person who truly care, can be joined with strong love we got. The loneliness we feel when we are far apart, can sometimes easily defeat the love. This happens especially when we miss someone who u want to share ur life with, and when they are not able to be by your side.Have faith in each other, and believe that i do feel the same as you. When you are far apart, you will easily doubted whether our love is true. Have faith in each other, and stand firm with your trust. Though sometimes it might be tough, for the sake of long lasting relations, this is a must. Think of one another's emotional needs, for you i always care. Make full use of the time when we are together, open up our heart and share.Respect that sometimes each of us need some space, but it does not mean that i dun want you to be around. We all need some privacy on our own, never say we no longer need the love we used to share. Do not let the seeds of jealousy, grow deep in our heart. If we let this happened, our relationship will surely be doomed to fall apart.Be honest to how we feel, and never lead the other one on. It is unfair and irresponsible to play around with other's feelings, and turn around one day and walk away. Never give up for your love, and hold on to what you feel from deep within. For love that is sincere and strong, will be held together, no matter how far you are apart..............

Lost in Translation

2005-05-09T00:49:00.000-07:00

I just saw my friends blog and lately she was so down, i wish I could cheer her up myabe if I could share one of my theories again with her that would take her mind of some problems (remember the piercing in the nose) any ways Im glad i have a friend like her, now i know i can beat her with one card game, "Bullshit" hehe lets play again!

2005-05-09T00:46:00.000-07:00

O me! O life!
O me! O life! of the questions of these recurring.Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the foolish.Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew'd.Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me, Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,The question, O me! so sad, recurring -- What good amid these, O me, O life?Answer That you are here--that life exists and identity,That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
-WALT WHITMAN-1819-1892

Chocolateria

2005-05-08T23:21:00.000-07:00

This is my new blog, enjoy